The 10 secrets of the success of couple relationships

14 January 2018

The 10 secrets of the success of couple relationships

What things are important for a relationship to be successful?

Los 10 secretos del éxito.  Pueden tener 30, 50 o 70 años…No importa cuanto tiempo han estado juntos, ¡¡¡cuando una pareja es feliz se nota!

They may be 30, 50 or 70 years old … No matter how long they have been together, when a couple is happy it shows!

How do they stay together and fall in love in good and bad times? Fortunately the answer to this success is not due to luck. It is the result of work and commitment.

Next we discover the importance of these MUSTS for a couple to work:

1. Develop a realistic vision of the couple’s relationship

It is necessary to accept that falling in love with the beginning of the relationship will not last forever. This has to be replaced by a deeper and more enriching relationship where romance still exists. A lasting relationship will have its ups and downs, and expecting everything to be rosy all the time is unreal.

2. Work on the relationship

It is important to identify problems and misunderstandings immediately. It is a big mistake to think that a relationship works in a natural way. The reality is that, a relationship, like anything else in life, needs to be worked on a regular basis. The abandonment of the relationship, in the long run will mean the end of it.

3. Quality of time together

There is no substitute for the concept of sharing quality of time. When we make the decision to spend time together, without children, pets or any other interruption, an attachment is created that will help the couple overcome future difficulties. Quality of time consists of sharing an activity or hobby, other than watching television.

4. Separate time

Likewise, separate time is another important component of a successful relationship. It is healthy to have different hobbies and activities in order to return to the relationship ready to share the experience. Missing your partner reminds you how important he or she is to you.

5. Try to get the most out of your differences.

Stop and Think: What is the thing that most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? Almost I can guarantee that is what bothers you the most today. Please look carefully at these differences. Try to focus on the positive aspects and identify the exact points that make you different. Your differences can balance you helping you to form a great team.

6. Do not expect your partner to change.

If both you stop the continuous attempts to change the other, you will avoid most of your discussions. At the same time, each should focus on giving the other more than the other expects, even if it does not occur naturally. So, instead of complaining that your partner does not remove the table, try to do it from time to time without complaining. He / she will notice and will make a greater effort in future occasions. If both of you put this strategy into practice, the results in coexistence will be much more satisfactory.

7. Accept that some problems have no solution.

Some aspects will appear in the relationship in which you will not reach an agreement. Instead of continuing to waste time and energy to reach an agreement, it is advisable to negotiate and work on the compromise. We can not pretend to live years in coexistence without the appearance of areas of disagreement. The test for a happy relationship is to work in these areas from the commitment, the change, or simply the acceptance that you think differently.

8. Communication

The lack of communication is the number one reason why even successful relationships fail. Here I show you a very useful format of effective communication:

Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting him. Just listen. When you have finished, summarize everything you have been told and, if you can, empathize with your partner, even if you do not agree. This will help your partner not to get defensive and will make it easier to listen to your opinions and feelings. It is difficult to discuss when this communication strategy is put into operation and, above all, it helps understanding and even solving the problem.

9. Sincerity is essential

You may share things with your partner that he / she does not want to hear. But this is better than making the other doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the most common factors of separation. And once the trust has been lost, it can take a long time for it to be restored. The happiest couples are those where sincerity is a golden rule that they fulfill to the letter.

10. Respect your partner

Treating your partner with respect will make the other person respect you. And, on a regular basis, reminding them of what they mean to you, will enrich the relationship in an indescribable way. When you say: “I love you”, for a moment in front of the other person to realize that you really feel it. Do not be afraid to express your feelings. He / she will thank you infinitely.

Including these “secrets” as an integral part of your relationship will not be easy. In reality, your efforts at the beginning will not give immediate results, but the consistency in the practice of these councils will achieve that in the future many people ask you: What do you do to remain so in love and happy?

The 10 secrets of the success of couple relationships

Cristina Blanco
Psicóloga